I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
