he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
