P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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