You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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