Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
