i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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