No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
