Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
