Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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