I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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