Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
