We're facebook friends in real life
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
