if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
