I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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