I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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