you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
