So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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