dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
