Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
