Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
