Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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