new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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