If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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