omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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