Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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