chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
