i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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