I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
