She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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