my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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