I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
