You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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