GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
