Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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