i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
