I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
