i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
