I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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