just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
