Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
