Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
