You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
