booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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