sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
