A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
