My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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