If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Randomize
