I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
