I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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