hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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