nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
