I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
