That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
