we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
