that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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