I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
