I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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