Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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