I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize