Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
